No one knows...

No one knows how I feel, no one knows what I want, no one knows what I need... But do I know these answers?

I've being feeling confused these couple of days. I have being really happy, excited, I have being feeling good. But somehow I manage to look at the down side of things, I'm looking at things pessimistically... I don't like this at all, I hate it! Sometimes I wish I could express all these feeling bottling up inside me, these ideas, these wants. My outlet, which I'm thankful for, is music, music that shakes my bones, that "Electrify", that reminds me that "Maybe I'm Just Tired", or reminds me of a "Wild Place". Sometimes reminds me why I "Sung for Luna", and how I am "Spanish Romance". Music is pure amazingness, music puts me on the "Spotlight", it might "Backfire"on me, but I'm always "Feeling Good." I love music, because when there is "Chaos," when "The Good Times Are Killing Me," I won't "Fade to Black." A ella le pregunto "Salvame la vida" porque aunque "Lo Pasado, Pasado," lo pasado me afecta en mi vida. And "Here It Goes Again," music is perfection, imperfection, reminds me that "Your Hand In Mine" is what i need, I dedicate a "Samba Pa Ti" but I'm afraid for a "Panic Switch" for "Pain" to appear, but i know it's "Never To Late," even though I follow the idea of "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt." All this because I "Fell in Love With a Girl." Seems like "Oblivion" awaits me, but I think I'm just "Crazy." :]

Hopefully I can find that "Message in A Bottle," but while "Waiting," I might "Surrender" because I'm "Dazed and Confused," which makes me which to be "Thoughtless." Maybe this is "Just A Phase," or maybe there seems to be "A Lack of Color" in my life. I might be "The Scientist" but I might be a "Saint John." Me siento "Preso"... but someone please "Show Me What I'm Looking For."

Awesomeness, insanity, coolness, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh, satisfaction... I don't know... haha, seems like I don't know much. But I do know this, I'm alive, this life might be a lie but heck I don't care, I like it here. I'm a complainer, but that seems to be my nature...  I'm a follower, but that shows I'm a leader... I'm rude when I speak, I don't like it. but I can't seem to fight it off... I have knowledge, but I don't know how to use it... I have love, and I always give it... I have power, but I have no use for it... I am insane, because I am not normal... I am a romantic, hopeless romantic, but a romantic nonetheless... I'm a wonderer, but somehow I know what I want... I'm evil, because I'm selfish... I'm good, because I don't always like being evil... I am you, because you perceive me that way... I am me because I choose to... I smile, so I can hide... I laugh, because something is funny... I desire more, because I'm human... I'm not satisfied, because I am human... I am human because I choose to be so...

I feel crazy hehe, but whatever, I'll survive. I got a life to live, I got something to proof, what is it? I don't know,  but I do know this, I will win...

The Chaos

So its been a while since I wrote a blog, so Imma do one today. The reason I'm doing this is because I have made my greatest discovery, I have come up with an answer to a question I been looking during this thinking years of mine.

Life and it's meaning. What is it? Is it a concept? A thing? Is it something unimaginable?

I always joke around and ask, "What's the meaning of life?" just for the hell of it. But truly this questions has always been bothering me.

Today I believe I have come up with that answer, finally. And all thanks to words by a character in the movie Chaos Theory with Ryan Reynolds, he said the wise words in the movie haha.

The meaning is Chaos, here is the definition by the New Oxford American Dictionary in my computer:

chaos |ˈkāˌäs|nouncomplete disorder and confusion1-Physics behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.2-the formless matter supposed to have existed before the creation of the universe.3-(Chaos) Greek Mythology the first created being, from which came the primeval deities Gaia, Tartarus, Erebus, and Nyx.

Doesn't it make sense, huh? doesn't it?

But what is even more interesting is Chaos is what results from the real meaning of life.

Love.

That's it i had my suspicions but is true that nasty little thing called love is what life is for, that is what makes us do the good things, the shitty things, the fucked up things, the amazing thing. Every actions is done based on love, be it horrible or not, it is.

Love is what makes humans do the nasty shit they do... total sence...

Under the Chaos

I have lived

i have seen

but under this chaos

nothing seems to change

I might be wrong 

and everything is changing

It might be good

but it may not be worth living

To be or Not to be 

thats not the question

the real question is

What to be for the rest of our lives

because under this chaos 

everything can change

It doesn't feel the same
everything has changed
i wonder why
but i don't look for an answer


Let your mind's eye show you
the truth, the lies, everything


Because when I look up the stars
I don't know what to say
because under this chaos
everything can change


Now lets smile and be grateful
because everything and anything
is worth it


[Lyrics for Under the Chaos by Jose E Perez, XD]

That Satisfaction That Can't Be Found

This has been one of the best weeks in a while. This Thursday and Friday I was able to hang out with some friends and just hang, talk, just there. I also know of the existence of High Society or whatever it is called, it is an amazing view I have to say. It has a view of what us Temeculans call the horrible city of Temecula, and if u look up at the sky, the stars stare at you, brighting up even the darkest place. I also learned the I still suck at pool. And Bonfires are great to. And last but not least, Swag.

After having 2 late night outs with my friends I realized once again that I love not planing things and doing things just as things go, going with the flow. Something I haven't done since I started school, which ends in 3 weeks, shocking.

Music, thank you for everything so far.

Harry Potter in 6 days, got my tickets, ready to see that movie.

Freedom. I hate restraints. Why do we have to follow what our past did. Why go through the stages of life. Why not live with no end, no limit. Why can't I just go out there not worry about money, about how I look, about who I am, about what I do. Why do I worry when I want freedom and no restraints. Why, why, why. Even worst why when I try and try I see no result. Pisses me off. Why dammit, why. What have I done wrong. Why can't I be free, why can't I love, why can't I just say what I please. Why o Why?

When will I be truly Happy and not have to wear this Tiresome Smile that everyone believes in. 


Why do people think I'm happy, satisfied, why? Why do I get praised for? Why am I talking about this? Why am I not satisfied? What is my Greed? What is my Lust? What sins do I have to do to be satisfied? 


Why o why, why God, why Allah, why Buddha, why Great Father, why dear entity?

^Seriously, what the hell. Gotta love the thoughts inside one's head.^

Also, please listen to the song Day N Nite by Kid Cudi. Listen to the original, not the Crooker's version. But truly listen to those lyrics, they're so simple and true to me, but I'm not a stoner. Great song.

LEGO is basically two dutch words, Leg Godt, meaning play good. I found this interesting. 

Just because silly goose said I was going to put it I will. Pad Thai is a delicious dish, it has a great combination of ingredients and it is just great. And your welcome.

No todo lo que es oro brilla. Not everything that is gold shines.

Good night, and like my friend says, One Love. 

Buenas Noches.

Manu Chao - Me gustas tu

Day After Day

So today one of my wheels air licked out. So I had to rotate my wheels around and stuff. While I was doing this a car parked, with some distance from my car, next to me. The guy driving came out and offered some helped, I told him that I was good and thanks for offering. He just stood there and said, "I'm out of my car already, so lemme help." I just couldn't say no. After we were done I thank him, and truly appreciated his help. He left and I started heading home to. I bring this story because I was given help by a complete stranger, showing that people still do acts of kindness for nothing in return. This guys name is Eddy, and gotta tell you, I appreciated it man, truly do. 

Another thing today that happened was that I played guitar while waiting for my friend to go to the library and study. While I was playing a guy came up, and was like, "May I seat here. Dude I got that same guitar." I let him sit and listen to what I was playing. His name is Caesar, he is someone cool to talk to. As I was playing, we converse about our guitar playing and such. It was fun, as simple as the conversation might have been, he was an interesting guy.

Yet another event that had me thinking. Today I was told by someone that they haven't figure me out.   As short and fast this was said, it really got me thinking. I dunno why, it just did. What is there to figure out though? What is it? Who knows? I'll ask later. So later I asked. So what makes me tick, thats what it means. That is a good question, what runs me? What do I strive for? Why do I strive? Good questions, which I think I know the answer to, but I'm not sure what the answers are. I am in confusion. I am in need.

That reminds me, I'm struggling with a decision. What is right to do? What is right to say? What will happen? Will I be satisfied? What should I do? Why am I asking? Why not just do? AAAHH!!! FUCK!!! I dunno. The sad story of my life.

My struggle is obtaining those two things in life that I want the most off. But what should I do? What is the right thing? Who knows I think I'll be satisfied for a while though.

I gotta say, its getting lonelier, even though everything is fine, its getting lonelier.

Music, I fucking LOVE you. You don't even know.

"Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais pas 
Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais plus 
Que voy a hacer 
Je suis perdu 
Que horas son, mi corazon" 

"Me Gustas Tu" Manu Chao

BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! Thats me and Abigail. One of my guitars, one of the two that understand.

Also, pb&j, you will always make me laugh, because of today. Naked Pooh Bear, you to.

Complaints -_-'

Why do we complain? That's my question. Is it because we are not satisfied or because we just can. Such confusion. However, when we complain does it satisfy something or does it relieve us from the pain in our daily lives? I've noticed for the past few days that I'm complaining of things here and there, for reasons I don't know. I think it does relieve my pains and annoyances that life puts me through. Throughout my eighteen years of life I've seen from youngsters to old people complain, complaints that can both be resolved and sometimes cannot. Also, I've seen that complaints are really meaningful and sometimes their just worthless.

So I looked up Paramore in the dictionary, and found out that the actual word is paramour, and it means a lover. I just found this interesting.

I believe I'm crazy. I think I am, I can't prove it, but my mind is just going coco.

Here's a post just to be posted.